Is Your Partner a Narcissist?

Is your partner a narcissist?

Narcissism is a lucrative business model right now.
You only have to be on the main social media platforms for a few minutes before you will see evidence of this.
On TikTok you will find reel after reel on what to watch out for if you think you are dealing with a narcissistic partner.

I have had many clients who are either questioning their partner in this way or who have been asked whether they think their partner is a narcissist by a friend, a therapist or their doctor. 

This can be a useful exercise because narcissism often goes undetected.
True narcissists are highly manipulative and very good at getting you to question your reality.
They leave their victims in a state of confusion and self doubt, never taking responsibility for their role in the dynamics.
They are masters at concealing the abuse that creates much damage over time.

No-one wants to be emotionally abused in this way. Therefore it is essential to seek support if you are experiencing more than a handful of the following red flags for narcissism:

• The inability to show empathy. 
• An unrealistic sense of entitlement & the need to be the centre of attention.- with tantrums and displays of anger if they are corrected or not shown the respect or admiration they believe they deserve.
• Arrogant behaviors and attitudes. They may constantly talk about their successes, romantic conquests, or money.
• Taking advantage of others. They use others for their own gain and to advance themselves.
• Regularly talking about their fantasies of power, success, or beauty. Conversations often revolve around material things and never go beyond that surface level.
• Behaving as if they are 'special.' They make out they can only be understood by other 'special' people.
• Envious of others or think that others are envious of them. 

HOWEVER!

There are few true narcissists. As a result it pays to be wary of labels because they can be very limiting.
Whilst labels can help people to get a greater gauge of who they are and who someone else might be; they can also end up serving to perpetuate an innate need to control one's environment.
This is never going to be a good thing for a relationship.

I am constantly amazed by the number of people who come to me after years of therapy and their relationship is no better off. Labelling has not been a helpful addition to this process.

What needs to happen before we slap a label on someone (especially when you are not 100% clear as to whether the hat fits):

We need to get curious and see where we are in fact actually gaslighting ourselves. One of the common signs of narcissism is gaslighting. This happens when someone manipulates another into questioning their own sanity or reality.

Unfortunately we have been conditioned to question and doubt ourselves over and over. As a result of this never ending cycle people end up in their head overthinking everything. They end up scared to take a risk. They end up avoidant of taking action because they are scared to upset their partner. They also end up in repetitive conflict because they are not open to seeing things from a different perspective. 

One of the biggest issues that stems from all of the overthinking that creates so much relationship sabotage is that:

the body is not being brought into the equation.
This is a BIG mistake because your body is where your transformation lies. 

Your body has the power to navigate and sense its way.
When you are in your power, your body will 'lead' you and give you guidance on whether something is a 'yes' or a 'no' in the moment. 

Your body can help you transform a negative feeling in a nano-second, because it can choose a higher state.
It can help you sense whether it is the 'right' time to speak to your partner.
It can help you in so many ways, but it cannot and will not if you are stuck in your mind trying to find all the answers. 

Going back to the topic of narcissism.
No-one deserves to be abused or the victim of a narcissist.
However, if we are gaslighting ourselves more than we realise, we are more likely going to create the kind of relationship that exhibits narcissistic behaviour. 

We can all be narcissistic and entitled. 
It is our job to ensure that our own narcissistic tendencies are not leading us.
It is all too easy to just blame our partner for our unhappiness.

As always my final point here is that you always have more power than you realise to change your relationship dynamic.
I take a stand for those relationships that can be turned around far more easily than many people might think.

We need to be more intelligent than to just band around the narcissist label before doing our due diligence.