How I Work with My Clients.
What To Expect
During and after the Process
Why you were attracted to your partner...
The majority of people are attracted to their partner because there is something familiar about them on an energetic level. Imago Relationship Theory states that we attract a partner who reflects the strengths and weakness of our primary caregivers.
This can be a good thing in many ways. However, it also means that we end up recreating patterns of dysfunctional behaviour that we experienced in our childhood and past relationships.
This is why relationships tend to start off so well. After the initial honeymoon phase has worn off, we are left with having to navigate the dysfunction without knowing how to do this successfully.
No-one teaches us after all, so we just end up doing what we think is the 'right' or 'normal' way. The trouble is 'normal' tends to be dysfunctional; exactly why so many relationships struggle to sustain close connection and intimacy over time.
Essentially the framework (or paradigm) of relating is broken and needs replacing.
I help you replace the underlying framework of
your relationship with a new, healthier one.
I have devised a proven framework called The Love Alchemy Framework™. This includes the Profound Permission Method™.Together they provide a highly effective structure to help you change the underlying foundations of your relationship.
I incorporate a combined and powerful mind and somatic (body) approach in my relationship coaching and therapy. This ensures that we cover the deeper rooted fears of rejection that most people are carrying around with them as extra baggage.
I help you see where and how you are sabotaging yourself and how this is having a detrimental effect on your relationship. This is where you have the opportunity to start changing things for the better.
The antidote to your sabotage is your power archetypes (the more empowered parts of yourself). These parts are already alive within you although they will generally be lying dormant. Together we will be looking to activate them in such a way that you, your partner and your relationship all benefit over the long-term.
My skill is in understanding the nuances of self sabotage, so that we can get you back to the universal truth that underpins my work.
This truth is there is ALWAYS another perspective.
Therefore there are always unlimited possibilities available for you and your partner to create your desired relationship.
The trouble is the rational mind will never see these possibilities. In fact it is does a very cunning job of keeping you from the transformation your seek.
The good thing is, subtle and cunning sabotage does not get to lead on my watch!
What To Expect During Your
Relationship Transformation Journey
If you are a Couple In Crisis or feel that
your relationship is struggling
Phase one of your journey will involve some individual work to help you deconstruct the patterns of behaviour that do not serve you or your relationship. This will include looking at past relationships that may have had a significant impact on you. I do not label or diagnose here but guide you to relate to yourself in a far healthier way.
Phase two will focus on how to communicate with and relate to your partner in a way that helps you both feel seen and heard. Here we will look at how to navigate sabotaging behaviours and comments when they do inevitably arise.
The framework I offer you is something that you can keep coming back to. This helps ensure that
you are able to keep creating connection in your relationship, even when life gets tough. This also enables you to keep the intimacy alive over time when most couples just end up settling for companionship.
Phase three will focus on expanding your capacity for continued growth in yourself and your relationship. It can be easy to default back after a three month stage because your patterns of dysfunctional behaviour will be ingrained, as they are in us all. This is why I generally recommend my 8 month couples premium coaching programme. This time period will help you embed the learnings you will receive. It will also give you time to process any new insights and give yourself the opportunity to get used to the 'new you'.
Please note that any transformational work will create a sense of upheaval and even drama at certain points in the journey. Whilst this can be uncomfortable, it is a good sign. The parts of ourselves that are still rooted in the old way of doing things do not like the change too much. The good thing is you will have new tools and the framework to help support yourself alongside the support you have from me.
Your progress during the programme will of course be dependent on your commitment to putting things into practice and taking as much responsibility as necessary. I do not guarantee any particular outcome but give you the experience and the tools to help you feel more empowered to continue on a healthy path of relating with your partner.
What to expect after your relationship
coaching programme has been completed
Your journey of growth and discovery and transformation will continue after our work together.
You will have a new framework of relating to keep using when things get tough. It is unrealistic to think that your relationship will never have any ups and downs.
The biggest difference that can be seen over time is a significant reduction in arguments and avoidance. You will still have conversations or situations that may be tense or difficult. However, you will have the capacity and the tools to move through these and come out the other side having learnt something about yourself and likely your partner. You will also be able to use these situations or conversations as a way to keep your connection alive.
It is important to remember that we are undoing years of dysfunctional relating. It will not take anywhere near as long for you to change that but this is a process of regeneration. Consider it a creation of a new relationship in many ways.
Also remember that the majority of relationships do not have this foundation of healthy relating. Therefore you are giving yourself and your relationship the gift of freedom, love and compassion, plus the kind of intimacy that most people never get to experience.