The behaviour that triggers you… is being kept alive by both of you.
It’s not just on your partner.
It’s not just because they won’t change.
And it’s not because they don’t care.
It’s because both of you have self-sabotaging patterns quietly running the show behind the scenes.
Self-Sabotage Is Subtle, But It Shapes Everything
Self-sabotage is cunning.
It’s not loud. It’s not obvious.
It often hides beneath good intentions, empathy, or even care.
It’s the invisible hand that keeps your relationship circling the same frustration, the same argument, the same disappointment.
It doesn’t just block communication, it stifles transformation.
Here’s What That Can Look Like
Let’s say you worry about your partner’s health.
You start encouraging, reminding, even micromanaging what they eat, because you care.
But your fear and control land as pressure.
And in response, a part of them resists. They feel smothered or judged.
A subtle rebellion takes root.
They don’t want to change, not because they can’t, but because your energy feels like an invasion, not an invitation.
You might think, “That’s not my fault. They have to want to change.”
And you are right to a degree.
But the deeper truth is:
Your energy is still in the equation.
And until you take your ‘hooks’ out, their system can’t fully breathe.
Energetic Hooks Block Change
I have seen this pattern again and again, in my clients and in my own marriage.
The moment one person unhooks, the other can start making moves.
There is more space in the relationship.
The key thing here is energy.
The energy behind your communication and behaviour carries far more weight than your words.
Distorted energy is why you don’t see improvement, even when you’ve “talked it through.”
It’s why things feel stuck, heavy, or confusing.
Your tone might sound loving.
But your nervous system says otherwise.
It Always Takes Two
The beauty of this is, you don’t have to wait for your partner to change.
You can do something now.
When you shift the energy in you, you shift the dynamic between you.
And love starts becoming simpler than you have been making it.
You just need to know where to look.
Finding that needle in the haystack, the exact energetic distortion that keeps you looping is a part of my genius method (the Profound Permission Method® and relational framework.
Ready to See What’s Really Running the Show?
If you would rather uncover the keys sooner rather than later, I invite you to enquire about my private programmes for men, women, and couples.
This is where we dissolve sabotage at its root and restore the magnetic energy that makes love and life flow.
This is the energy that allows for courage to show up and have the right conversations, which encourage growth and connection.