The Couples Who Have the Capacity to Go Far Beyond the Norm
Not every relationship has the same structural foundation.
Some are naturally primed for profound transformation.
Others are working against the grain of the bond itself.
Below is the clearest way to understand the difference.
THE COUPLES WHO THRIVE
The relationships that have the potential to go far beyond the norm tend to share three core qualities:
1. A baseline of sexual chemistry from the very beginning
An unmistakable yes your body recognised, something alive, responsive, real.
When that chemistry exists at the root, you are not trying to fabricate desire. You are working with a natural current that can be strengthened and deepened.
2. Shared values and a compatible worldview
Not identical beliefs on everything, it doesn't have to be perfect alignment.
Simply two people who care about similar things, hold similar principles, and want to build a life that honours what feels truly important to them.
When two people walk in the same direction internally, the relationship has a spine something sturdy enough to support real growth.
3. Two fundamentally decent people who want to show up
Not perfect humans, just decent ones.
Honest, accountable, willing to do the work and be better than their patterns.
This trio makes the relationship highly workable… and with the potential to become far healthier and magnetic.
WHEN REPAIR BECOMES SIGNIFICANTLY HARDER
Not because anyone is “bad,” but because the relational field itself becomes compromised.
1. No sexual chemistry
You can build safety.
You can build communication.
You cannot manufacture desire.
When chemistry has never existed, healthy polarity usually collapses faster than tools can rebuild it.
2. Addiction (especially alcohol and weed)
This is difficult to name, but essential.
Alcohol and drugs diminishes presence. Weed dulls perception, responsiveness, and relational capacity while creating the illusion of calm.
If one partner is numbing, the relationship becomes unequal.
You cannot build a future with someone who refuses to be fully here.
This is not a definite no no, but the person with the addiction needs to be willing to take responsibility and get support alongside any relationship coaching.
3. Abuse within the relationship (physical, sexual, or coercive)
If there is active abuse happening now, physical, sexual, or coercive, the dynamic is no longer safe, and the relationship is not workable in its current form.
No amount of communication tools, polarity work, or emotional insight can stabilise a bond where one person is harming the other.
Safety must exist before transformation is even possible.
Healing could happen in the future, but only with absolute safety established, the abusive behaviour fully acknowledged, and both people committed to deep change.
Without that level of responsibility, the abuse continues to hijack the entire relational field and makes genuine repair impossible.
Please bear in mind here, that there are very few true narcissists. We all have narcissistic qualities, it doesn't mean we are deserving of that label!
4. Being ignored, stonewalled, or chronically shut out
Not temporary overwhelm, that’s human, I’m referring to patterned shutdown.
Silence used as power, punishment, or avoidance is a form of emotional violence.
Especially when one partner is doing their work while the other hides, collapses, or makes them responsible for their feelings.
A relationship cannot evolve in that gap.
THE TRUTH - Love Is Not Enough
The relationships that transform are the ones where both partners are willing to:
• Take full responsibility for their inner world and their role in any conflict (both parties are always playing a role).
• Stay emotionally present, even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Tell the truth, not opinions disguised as truth, but the deeper truth of what is really going on for them underneath.
The relationships I take on, are those where the three core foundations described at the top are present. Here, transformation becomes inevitable rather than forced.
If you are not sure whether you want to stay or go I offer a 3 month programme to help you get the clarity you are looking for before embarking on any deeper work.
If you are ready for your next level and want to understand whether your relationship is genuinely workable or do what it takes to go to a new healthier level of relating, you are welcome to reach out.