Most people think the way to improve their relationship is through fixing. Fixing themselves, fixing their partner, or fixing the communication.
But “fixing” carries the hidden assumption that something is broken. That there’s something very wrong.
And unless there is abuse or a major clash in values, the truth is that there usually isn’t really a “real” problem.
What is actually happening is that the mind, conditioned by years of societal messaging, interprets natural discomfort as evidence that something is wrong. A difficult feeling arises, and instead of seeing it as an invitation, we assume it means danger, or proof that our partner (or the relationship itself) is flawed.
This is where our shadow parts get involved.
By “shadow,” I mean the parts that sabotage you because they don't know how to get their needs met in a healthy way.
Our shadows might show up as irritation, defensiveness, withdrawal, or criticism. But those are just protective layers. Beneath them is often something much more vulnerable, the part of you that doesn’t feel heard, doesn’t feel valued, or fears losing love.
When you stay on the surface, the shadow distorts reality. It corrupts the information coming in, turning a moment of discomfort into a “problem” that must be fixed. But when you are willing to acknowledge the fear underneath, the discomfort stops being a problem and becomes a doorway.
A doorway back to yourself.
And a doorway back to your partner.
In fact a doorway to a relationship that is far healthier, more connected and intimate than you have experienced before.
This is the counterintuitive key to creating lasting connection: your negative thoughts and feelings are not obstacles, they are invitations.
Society tells us the opposite. We have been taught to stay away from “negative” feelings, to suppress them or replace them with positive thinking. But positive thinking skips over the deeper truth. It blocks you from mining the very seeds of transformation that live in those uncomfortable places.
Because when you know how to work with your feelings in this way, you don’t just reconnect with yourself you become magnetic.
Magnetism is what your partner first felt when they were drawn to you. It is what reignites connection and intimacy when life naturally creates moments of disconnection. And it is what does the heavy lifting in a relationship, making closeness and attraction far easier than constant fixing ever could.
This is why I work with highly intelligent couples who are tired of going in circles. Together we leave behind the overthinking, opinionated mind and instead activate the natural magnetism that lives inside each of them.
And when magnetism is alive, the relationship doesn’t need to be perfect. It becomes imperfectly perfect.
Perfect because you get to create a relationship in a way that feels just right for you both and which des not need to look like any thing you see on social media. This is exactly what makes it so fulfilling.
And imperfect because of course, nothing is perfect, but there is a kind of relationship that still exists that is above and beyond the norm.
This is the 1% relationship, created by a tiny percentage of people who are willing to roll their sleeves up learn to embrace their shadow, acknowledge the fear underneath, and step into their natural magnetism.
That is when their relationship stops being a problem to solve, and becomes the most alive and intimate part of their lives.
If you and your partner feel like you have been going round in circles, having the same conversations, hitting the same walls, or feeling like no matter what you try things don’t really shift it’s not because your relationship is broken. It is because you haven’t yet learned how to break down your triggers and harness the magnetism that is already inside you.
If you are ready to explore what this could look like for you, book a private consultation call with me here.