When you aren’t happy in love | Michele Willmott

When you aren’t happy in love

When you aren't happy or at least okay with where you are in love, life, business/work I'm in no doubt that you are 'hooked' (I see it every day in my clients).

Hooked to the outer (societal) and inner voice that literally has you falling hook line and sinker for things that don't help you move towards what you want.

This voice is very cunning and slippery, so much so that it will get you to self-sabotage unless you can see what is happening.

This especially goes for those of you who had to acquiesce to an authority figure in your life, to the extent you 'lost' any sense of trust in yourself.

This is exactly why, what may seem to be relatively harmless or every day thoughts as well as comments made by very well intentioned coaches, friends and family (such as the examples below) will have you convinced that: you are either on the right track or that you need to keep going in a direction that may be totally wrong for you; or you need to take some drastic action that totally petrifies you (and which goes against your true values and desire).

*'I think you need to leave him/her, they are narcissistic. It's for your own well-being' (the number of times I have heard this is shocking and generally not true....very few people are actually narcissists. Most people display narcissistic behaviours because they are operating from shadow (the self sabotaging parts of ourselves)).

*'I can't see the way forward' (so therefore I am stuck and whatever I do doesn't seem to work i.e I am powerless to change things).

*'I can't imagine what it would be like to start again' (the fact that we cannot imagine something does not mean we cannot create it or even change the situation we are in).

The trouble is your shadow will pounce on these thoughts or words in order to try to keep you 'safe' and reduce the likelihood of being rejected and hurt again. However when you act from shadow you create more shadow, so in actual fact you are not keeping yourself safe because you are creating more of what you don't want.

Our 'hooks' are dug in deep, they have been in place for a long time and compounded by years of societal programming that is geared towards controlling the masses in order to maintain power and financial gain.
It takes a very curious, exacting eye & ear to uncover it.

God knows why, but this seems to be a specialism of mine after having to go through the process of unhooking again and again due to years of self sabotage.

Unhooking takes you into the unknown (I use the term 'The Dark'). The Dark for me is a stable and consistent place to reside in (not to say I don't ever have moments where I 'pop' out, but I know how to get back in) where I get to live a life that is consistent with who I want to be and what is most important to me.

Unhooking is of course a journey, there is no straight line but there are characteristics or requirements that anyone can recognise and therefore use as a reference point.

A reference point is needed because otherwise you are in the dark with no inner guidance system in place. This would then just be aimless wandering, which is scary to the psyche and will just take you back out to the land of self sabotage for much longer than you would ever want to be.

If you are fed up of your mind 'driving you up the wall' and of trying to do all the right things and you would rather live (more consistently) in the land of trust where everything does unfold in a way that feels just right for you I invite you to schedule a call with me to see if we are a fit for this life changing work. I offer Premium Mentoring Programmes with full support for men, women and couples or you can book a programme of calls (without the support in between).

About the Author

Michele Willmott, Relationship Coach and Mentor. I help successful men, women and couples renew and transform their relationship for the long-term.