There are two very different ways to relate to the 'no relationship is perfect' argument.
One way creates stagnancy, low grade or non-existent intimacy the other consistent erotic aliveness in all its forms.
The ‘No Relationship is Perfect’ couple who are actually stuck in dysfunction (often without full awareness) can look remarkably similar to the ‘No Relationship is Perfect’ couple who are committed to growth, consistent erotic intimacy and emotional connection.
Energetically however, these relationships are MILES apart.
Here are four examples of how they can look similar but are in fact very different (with the dysfunctional mentioned first):
• Intimacy that is largely 'in the head' and bases the success or failure on whether the hit of the orgasm is achieved.
Intimacy that is very present, erotic and focused on every moment and as a result organically produces all kinds of wonderful orgasms without being attached to the orgasm.
• Conflict - Same old conflict or avoidance of conflict (due to lack of provisional energy and integrity)
Any conflict or tension are navigated in a way that results in growth, connection and action.
• Communication – ‘rationale’ type (avoidant and competitive) logic leads in the form of low-grade warfare type bickering or the hyper-intelligent ‘I AM right’ barrister argument.
Communication that is also rational but led by transparency, huge levels of responsibility, honesty, compassion and openness.
• The ‘Truth’ – led by ‘this is my truth’…therefore I am entitled to do this and say this or led by 'this is the responsible thing to do because this is how we should do things'.
THE truth is there is always another perspective (that neither of us may be seeing) and therefore unlimited possibilities available to us in this moment.
• Equality (1) – 'Our relationship is equal, he never gets to lead me because I am my own leader'.
'Our relationship is equal in that we honour the instinctual differences between men and women. I am happy for him to 'lead' me where beneficial because I know that he is looking after my well-being. This does not mean he gets to be domineering and controlling; and if I am acting from shadow, why on earth should he put up with that'.
• Equality (2) – 'Our relationship is equal….if I don’t like something I point it out how it could or needs to be done better'
'Our relationship is equal in that we honour the instinctual differences between men and women. I know that my vulnerability is a creational force in our relationship and I inspire him to be consistently pro-active, dynamic and passionate by expressing myself on a real, raw feeling level'.
The first type of relationship is not necessarily 'bad' or wrong. The thing is it generally leads to the death of intimacy in the long-run due to the lack of true emotional connection. It creates stagnancy and it also does nothing to really address the underlying energetic dissonance between heteronormative men and women that has been created by society's dysfunctional conditioning.
Anywhere there is dysfunctional conditioning (in this case faulty perceptions of how best to deal with your feelings and emotions) shadow or sabotage patterns will be created; and the trouble is shadow attracts and creates more shadow. It is always worth a closer look because there is always MORE love for us to experience.
To keep doing things in the same way over and over will turn most sane people to their drug of choice in order to create some semblance of aliveness in their lives. This is exactly why we see many adults having to rely on alcohol, drugs and unhealthy food to keep up their dopamine hits.
Erotic aliveness in all its forms is FREE and only addictive in a non-destructive way.
I help my clients to transition from the 'ordinary' kind of relationships that are the norm to a relationship that is deeply connected and alive. It is still never going to be perfect but it is going to be something that makes you feel happy and loved in a way that surpasses your current experience and that I hope you'll agree is priceless.
If you are not sure where to start, you can sign up for my free Relationship Self-Assessment here. This assessment will help you see where you are sabotaging your relationship, so that you can start to take the ownership required to take it onto the next level.