The impact of healthy masculine energy on a relationship | Michele Willmott

The impact of healthy masculine energy on a relationship

The Miracle and Power of Healthy Masculine Expression (and the 'NO' to the wounded feminine).

I have been working with a wonderful couple recently who have given me permission to share this story.

In a nutshell, I invited the husband to have a conversation with his mother-in-law (who lives with them) about how she was showing up in their family dynamic. There had been a lot of resistance and negativity on an ongoing basis, which was really bringing the energy and atmosphere down. The daughter (wife) was finding it particularly hard.

I could see that the husband was being passive in his energy around this situation. Months had passed where he was thinking it was really nothing to do with him as it did not bother him too much. In many ways you could argue this is true. However, the point that was being missed was the fact that his wife was at a loss as to how to change things and this was having an impact on her well-being. Anything that is affecting one person's well-being is going to have a detrimental affect on our relationship.

The wife had some work to do around her own responses and thinking. Ideally she would have a different quality of conversation with her mother too. However, what ensued as a result of my 'homework' task just shows that when a man steps in (or steps up) in a particular way the impact can be significant.

The husband initiated a conversation to express his standards for how he wanted the family to behave towards one another. He described his communication as compassionate but firm, offering her what he called a 'soft ultimatum'. This of course, wasn't particularly comfortable action for him to take. It would have been easier to carry on as he had being doing. However, he realised that peace for his family was something he valued and he wanted to be in integrity with his values.

This type of communication also serves to act as an energetic 'no' to shadow energy. Many women fall into the trap of being controlling and blaming in their language and sometimes a man needs to address this rather than always letting it go. This is nuanced and dependent on the situation. It is absolutely not an excuse for being domineering but when done with precision it can be very effective. Ideally it would give the woman a chance to express her deeper feelings and worries because there is more often than not an underlying feeling that she is not expressing. 

When I caught up with this couple in their next session, the husband reported back that "the effects of this have been nothing short of a miracle. My mother-in-law may still be struggling somewhat on the inside but she is doing an amazing job of not letting her negativity and shadow lead her in family situations. She seems to have created a distance between her thoughts and her feelings. She's completely different on the outside. It's like night and day."

It doesn't end here because such healthy and empowered masculine action serves to reinforce how much better life can become for everyone involved. This then acts as motivation for a man to keep showing up in this way. As a result he starts to feel a greater sense of aliveness and purpose in himself as opposed to defaulting back to old and habitual passive behaviours that don't serve anyone.

The husband went on to say to me 'I've realised I have to be the better man. For her to suddenly make this huge shift was inspiring to me. It is no longer shadow on shadow'.

It never ceases to amaze me the transformations that can happen when true power leads. People who seem to have such huge gremlins at play are even able to find the courage to change themselves and be better.

Thank you to my clients for going there and doing the work even though it is not always comfortable.

About the Author

Michele Willmott, Relationship Coach and Mentor. I help successful men, women and couples renew and transform their relationship for the long-term.