Even thinking "should I leave", because perhaps your partner does not seem to be able to keep up with you?
I come across many women who are making huge strides in their business or in their career but who are simultaneously struggling in their romantic life.
The first thing I want to know is whether they think they still love their partner and if yes, if their partner is a decent, good man in general.
If their answers to both are yes, my next thought will usually be 'where and why are they not trusting themselves?'
I will want to know what is going on for them on a mind, body and emotional level; where they are not trusting themselves to be able to create what they truly want (or make the right decision for themselves in relation to leaving or staying) and why this is the case according to their own unique scenario.
Many such women often think that they trust themselves, because they have made big bold moves in their work life, taken risks and backed themselves to navigate trickier waters. They have followed their intuition and been able to gather teams to support them. They are also doing great work with their clients and for their organisations.
As a result, it is easy for them to think "it's not me, it's him......he is not enough of this or too much of that."
However, a romantic relationship is a COMPLETELY different scenario to your work situation.
Let's face it, since when does your business or work life involve you being completely 100% honest, vulnerable (a strength not a weakness), open to desire on a sensual, physical level and open to being fully seen and heard on a deep level by your partner?
Maybe you have some degree of vulnerability with your team or work colleagues and you might even be thinking 'I tell my partner how I am feeling!' I can pretty much guarantee you however (based on the fact that something is not working) that the level of openness and vulnerability you are displaying will be nothing compared to what is required to create something extraordinary in love.
This area of life is far more nuanced and usually it is far more precious. You could leave your job or change your business structure and yes, it might be very disappointing but you know you would be okay. When it comes to your relationship, there is far more at stake. There are all sorts of possible ramifications; financially, mentally, emotionally, geographically.
You don't want to start again, you don't want to have to be the one who upsets the apple cart and leaves or the one who is ultimately rejected.
These wounds run deep and go way back to our childhood. Even if you have done the therapy, there is a very high chance that your unconscious is still running the show (this accounts for more than 90% of your brain activity and dictates certain behaviours that you don't even realise are causing problems for you), which is exactly why you cannot seem to figure out why things are not working in your love life.
If only it was easier, more peaceful, calmer. If only HE would change and then you could relax and enjoy a beautiful relationship where you KNOW you are loved deeply for just being you without having to hide or pretend.
When you know that you trust yourself you KNOW that you know what to do in any given moment and you also know how to create loving, magical moments in your relationship. You will also trust yourself to be able to navigate any conversations that feel more risky and know how to speak up in such a way that brings your partner closer as well as inviting him to step up and be in his power.
SO, how do you go about learning to trust yourself in this way (because it takes some commitment and learning) when it comes to your romantic life?
I am going to touch on two big areas that I look at with my clients (and come back to the others in my next posts).
The first one is how my client relates to her desire. The second one is the relationship she has with her emotions. Both of these are interlinked and multi-layered.
When I mention desire I am not just talking about physical desire, although I can tell a lot about the degree to which a woman understands how to create powerfully, from the way she relates to sex and her sensuality.
It is also not just a case of thinking 'I desire this, so I will visualise it or feel it and be open to receiving it' or putting into place a set of plans or a strategy that will help you achieve what you want. Whilst this is all useful when it comes to attracting what you want, if you have any triggers and strong emotions that you are experiencing in relation to your partner, then as I said above, your unconscious needs to be looked at.
Your unconscious is responsible for your resistance i.e. the little conflicts and discomfort that you have going on within YOU that ARE creating disconnection & a feeling of dissatisfaction in your relationship.
Anywhere that you are experiencing reoccurring struggles (even those ones that don't seem to be a big deal and that you do a good job of managing) is showing all the places you are blocking off your desire.
When you block your desire, you block your aliveness and your expansive open-hearted faith, trust and love. Your desire is what helps you become far more magnetic in your love life and this is what is needed for you to create beautiful moments out of nothing.
The right relationship with your emotions is the door opener to your desire. When you know how to alchemise your emotions and turn them into desire and joy (& I don't mean by just putting a happy face on, I mean by actually working WITH your resistance) then you have the recipe to upset the status quo in your relationship and go way beyond what you are currently experiencing.
In order to create such a relationship within yourself, this requires a deeply connected and masterful relationship between your mind and body. It also requires seeing love through a completely new lens: a new paradigm, which does not keep you stuck in patterns of waiting for your partner to change or perpetual struggle and conflict.
The new paradigm for love represents a new way of being with yourself, so that you show up with a completely different energy when it comes to love. This extends far beyond self care in the traditional sense and more so involves a way of drawing on the stable, resourceful parts of you that get to be continually uncovered (& which create the magic) when you take a closer look at your unconscious patterns.
As you can see, creating your own love story is not a straight forward, linear process, it is multi-faceted. The most important thing in my experience is that you learn to trust yourself more than ever before and this can only be done by venturing into those unknown places that you have yet to visit, both in reality with your partner and within your own psyche and body.
If you would like to do the deep work now, with me at your side, I offer a 4 month 1 to 1 private experience (for you or for you & your partner) that will change the trajectory of your love life for the long-term you can book your call here.