Permission to go for what you want in your relationship | Michele Willmott

Permission to go for what you want in your relationship

Relationship  Coaching, Improve your marriage, marriage counselling

Permission is allowing, opening, inviting, adaptive, expansive.

Rigidity is contracting, closing, controlling, repelling, pressurising, unattractive.

Imagine if you were to invite more permission into your relationship!?

Permission to explore; to be curious; to allow for mistakes; to take a deep breath & say something you have been scared to say; and what about permission to have what you REALLY want!?

We often get stuck in the same old familiar patterns of behaviour & when our relationship starts to feel stagnant, it becomes all too easy to look to our partner & point the finger of blame.

But if we are evolving and changing over time, then our relationship, as an entity in itself is wired for change too. If we are not prepared to loosen up and be the change ourselves, we start to become bound by our own rules and opinions, which can end up manifesting as overbearing and controlling behaviour at one end and at the other end of the spectrum, submission and victimhood. None of which is conducive to a deeply connected and unconditionally loving partnership.

Permission to have your desires

Now this is an interesting topic and one that I feel is at the root of transformation and positive change within a relationship.

Many people are scared to really own their true desire(s) and therefore take the action necessary to bring them into being.
Scared of being rejected, disappointed, of rocking the boat, being too demanding.

Also getting stuck in thinking that our desires have to look a certain way and making up stories that our partner cannot or will not be willing or able to step up and meet us, often result in us deeming them impossible or unattainable. The perfect excuse to avoid pursuing the dream and to give up on it ever showing up in our relationship. And this brings me on to the ……..

The depths the ego will go to sabotage our dream or desires.

The human ego will go to extremes to keep itself safe. Unfortunately this is usually stifling for any relationship.

One thing I have learnt in my marriage however, is that when I had a desire for more of something in my marriage it was all too easy for my ego to step in and make the possibility of change or improvement insurmountable.
My ego would place strict rules on my husband having to be a certain way or do a certain thing in order for me to have enough evidence that the desire was worth pursuing.
Of course the things that my ego was asking of him were often preposterous and usually not even aligned with what I wanted. The danger here was that if I let this voice win, I would prod and push my husband and he would of course feel this energetically and end up feeling like he was being cornered and forced to do something that he didn't want to do.  

The learning for me here, was to allow myself permission to acknowledge the desire in the first place and also to feel my yearning for that, we are human beings with desires after all!
A large part of mastering transformation in our relationship is also to let go of the desire showing up in a particular way. In this way there was much more room for something just as a good or even better coming in and very importantly, much more room for my husband to step up in his own unique way following my lead. I say 'following my lead' because I am a strong believer in the idea that if you want something in your relationship, say better sex, improved communication or more fun, you do have to lead the way and not sit there waiting for your partner to initiate (& by the way small steps are ALWAYS a good start).

My questions for you are firstly, where can you give yourself more permission in your relationship? And secondly, what are you desires and to what degree are you giving yourself permission to acknowledge, yearn and actually act on them.

A stifled dream or desire is a stifled life and relationship!

If you feel like your relationship is just not where you would like it to be right now & want to make a radical transformation within the next 100 days sign up for your 30 minute complimentary consultation below to find out more.

Photo: Unsplash

About the Author

Michele Willmott, Relationship Coach and Mentor. I help successful men, women and couples renew and transform their relationship for the long-term.