We often hear people saying there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
We know that intellectually, yet it is evident from the level of dysfunction that goes on in relationships that many people are still chasing an ideal.
On the other hand many people use this statement as a way of hiding behind their unhealthy behaviours.
It is not intentional, many men and women are missing the kind of information that will take their love life onto a whole new level.
My husband and I certainly don't have it all worked out in our relationship.
We are a work in progress.
We recently hit a bump in the road when my husband's business had a pretty awful burglary, which brought lots of complications and meant the business had to stop trading.
At the same time he had to go in for hernia surgery.
This all coincided with me being more emotional than usual as a result of being on a 6 month detox protocol with my health coach.
At first I was doing a pretty good job of being nurse and thought I had 'superwoman' covered 🙂
However, my conditioned over masculinized 'I've got this.....do...do...do and do some more' started to come in and it was only a matter of time before a few of my old shadows started showing up (just when I thought I had cracked them).
Knowing how our shadows work I started to see that they were showing me where I was starting to lose myself and 'lose' our connection; and this was not before having to let some of them play out (once we are 'in it' it's not always easy to get out of).
Now the old us would have liked the drama of this and would have used it to fall into the addictive high of a let's make up (and have make-up s*x)... but not any longer.
Shadows do not get to have the final say in our relationship and thank heavens.
When we act from shadow it only ends up creating more shadow.
I would rather risk losing my husband than default to our old dysfunctional behaviour.
I will not let that happen in myself because I know how much pain and upset this can create.
The addictive make-up is just not worth it.
And so where did that leave me?
In neutral, a holding space.
It was not really that pleasant if I'm honest.
Our shadow don't like any discomfort. They will try to get away from it in only the way they know.
These are parts of ourselves that do not know how to get their needs met in a healthy way.
They try to grasp and hook. They like to play the fear game.
BUT neutral can be a game changer.
It is me in my body. My husband in his body. Holding our tension.
Allowing the 'repair' between is to unfold naturally without forcing or manipulating or going for the addictive hit.
The learning is discussed as adults.
The next step in relation to what each of us can do better.
The compassion for the parts of ourselves that still feel they have to do certain things to get love and attention.
With this awareness comes relief.
The neutral space is a launchpad for infinite possibility.
And from that a sense of natural excitement in the body.
A knowing that I have the capacity to create my next level and that always comes from my body not my rational mind.
Your body is where creation unfolds.
It is far more powerful than you have ever been led to believe.
Creating your near 'perfect' relationship involves going beyond the mind that you have relied on so much.
This is how you learn to trust that you have what it takes and that the condition of your relationship doesn't just lie in the hands of your partner.
This is as perfect as it is ever going to get. It just isn't going to happen doing it the way you are trying to do it now.