Marriage counselling and therapy often get a bad rap.
I'm sure you have heard the saying 'it put the final nail in the coffin'.
This is not really surprising given that many people decide to go to therapy when the relationship really is in dire straits.
It is also no wonder when many couples think that going to see a therapist for one or two sessions is going to change the habits of a lifetime.
It may sound harsh, but dipping your toes in the water doesn't really demonstrate the kind of commitment required if you want to create a big transformation.
It always strikes me as remarkable that many people do not value their relationships as much as their holidays or a new car. It is like we have been brainwashed into thinking that when we find the 'right' person everything will fall into place and things shouldn't be that difficult.
However, considering that the dominant societal paradigm or framework is based on fear and the need to survive or succeed at all costs; it is not a framework that tends to foster healthy relationships between men and women.
I also don't remember being taught how to relate to the opposite sex in a way that creates consistent connection.
When it comes to the profession, there are good therapists and counsellors and not so good.
Many still haven't cracked what constitutes a healthy in their own relationship.
I know this because I was one of those coaches/therapists who ended up banging her head against a brick wall not knowing how to move past the same old issues that kept cropping up between myself and my husband.
I now coach and mentor other coaches and therapists, even relationship coaches.
Everything turned around for me because I wasn't willing to accept the 'all couples argue, it's normal'.
I had a sense there was room for more and as I loved my husband and didn't want to leave him.
I set out on a quest to find out why I was going round in circles not getting very far.
Enter Shadow Work and Polarity.
As you may have seen from other pages on my site, these two concepts and approaches were the missing links in my relationship. They were and continue to be game changers no doubt about it (as long as they are used in the nuanced way required).
It doesn't mean it has been or is plain sailing for me all the time. However, it does mean that my husband and I have a completely different way of relating that promotes growth and learning. It is a framework that we can come back to time and time again and which allows us to develop our own unique approach according to the specifics of our personalities and strengths and weaknesses.
This means that we get to be more 'us'. It feels safer to be our true selves. It feels far more supportive and open.
The elephants in the room don't get to rule, they get addressed.
Avoidance and tension don't win the day. Instead they get navigated in a way that creates connection.
Let's face it, life can throw us curve balls at times. It brings up our most primitive fears and discomfort.
We are living in a society that tells us how to we should think and feel and we hold ourselves to these ideals far too often.
If our relationship is not a place we can rely on to be there for us at times of need, personally I cannot see the point.
Valuing my relationship by seeking support (and seeking that 'outside the box') has undoubtedly been my best investments to date.
In my humble opinion it is not a question of 'does marriage counselling work?'
Rather 'am I willing to back myself to do the work and find out the information that I have been missing all this time?'
If you can come from that place, you will always move towards growth and more connection.
Yes, there is always going to be bumps along the way, but these bumps I assure you, will be well worth it.
This is why I work with my clients over longer time periods and ask for an investment financially.
I trust myself with this work and I am here to help you start trusting yourself to create the change you want to see.
If you would like to talk about my programmes, please see the coaching pages on this site, which will take to my call scheduler.