Women want their man to lead! | Michele Willmott

Women want their man to lead!

I am going to share something that women may disagree with…….

Many highly successful women have a deep-down yearning (often unconscious) to be led by their partner!

To be led by a true and powerful masculine energy that is devoted to their well-being, whilst simultaneously holding them as a sovereign and powerful being in their own right.

This does not negate the fight for equal rights between men and women. It also does not mean that women should be or are passively submissive and weak in relation to men.

Successful women are often operating in their disempowered masculine energy....

A successful woman who is constantly ‘doing’ and who spends a disproportionate amount of time in her masculine energy, always runs the risk of burn out when her nervous system is over stimulated and pushed beyond her intuitive wisdom and knowing. This energy is symbolic of the disempowered or wounded masculine, which is driven by success at all costs.

By contrast, empowered masculine energy is supportive, providing, and protective. It allows for balance and acts with integrity and compassion. Success is still possible when this empowered masculine energy is adopted but in a way which is more considerate of the whole system, whether familial or organisational. Also, success comes come about as a result of intuitive action, which tends to be far more magnetic and synchronistic as opposed to taking the form of hustle for the sake of hustle.  

The model or archetype of the disempowered masculine is rife in patriarchal society. Individuals have often been brought up in families where fathers were absent not only in their time but in their presence. Earning enough money or more money has been the major focus at the expense of cultivating true connection and well-being and thus many have only witnessed struggle, hustle and lack.  

In addition, with women not being encouraged to fully embrace their emotional vulnerability or their desires because their existence has generally been dominated by putting others first, it is hardly surprising that unhealthy role models have been the norm across the board for many people.

Many men have been brought up to be 'nice boys'....

There are plenty of other examples of how both men and women have been impacted by such behaviour and thinking and this has had the effect of both sexes struggling to lead themselves in a powerful way. Many men have been brought up to be ‘nice’ boys unsure how to behave around women or on the contrary, showing a disrespect and tendency towards controlling or worse still, abusive behaviour in relation to women.  Many women on the other hand, in an attempt to be equal, become dominating, emasculating and criticising in their approach to men whilst still demonstrating signs of neediness and victim-hood, perpetually waiting for the day their knight in shining armour shows up to save them.  

All of this merely points to a crisis of identity perpetuated by a system that relies on control & therefore does not support true, sovereign power.

An empowered man wants to devote himself....

When you have two individuals in a relationship that are in said power and taking full responsibility for their well-being, a man will generally want to devote himself in support of his partner.  He will want to show up as the man in an energy that demonstrates presence, decisiveness and stability and do so in an unselfish manner.

Similarly, a woman who can lead herself and take full responsibility for her own emotional well-being and her true power will have the capacity to lean back and trust that she can and will be provided for by her own empowered masculine and her partner (in the ways she desires). A woman who can be supported in such a way can literally lean back into her man’s arms and feel her nervous system palpably relax.

This is of course a journey and something that does not happen overnight. It is also dependent upon one or both partners being ready and willing to take this journey.
As much as the man devotes himself to leading his partner, the woman needs to guide and lead her partner. In the latter case this means without nagging & criticising or ‘training’ even, but instead by being willing to be more vulnerable in her expression as well as stating her desires and giving feedback where necessary. The best way I can think of to describe this interplay is in the world of BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission) where it is often said that a Dom (Dominant) is only ever as good as a sub (submissive).

Relationships based on true power put an end to co-dependency....

Nowhere here do I mean to portray that this way of relating means life will be perfect or that a relationship will not get fraught with tension or frustration. The willingness and capacity to move through the discomfort of leaving old patterns of conditioning behind is how we learn a new way of being in our relationship. This is how we can break the habit of co-dependency in love.

Co-dependency, which is characterized by both partner’s holding the other responsible for their happiness, is never a good recipe for an alive and thriving relationship. It is especially not a good foundation for both love and erotic desire to co-exist. These are two crucial aspects for the long-term health of any relationship, without which boredom, complacency and a lack of inspiration and excitement tend to set in.

Co-dependency can take many forms but here are a few examples of how it can show up:

  • ‘Over caring’ for your partner; being more concerned about how they may react or what they may think instead of prioritising your own needs, desires and boundaries.
  • Trying to rescue or ‘fix’ when the other person is trying to express themselves.
  • Difficulty making decisions in a relationship.
  • Difficulty identifying or facing your feelings.
  • Difficulty in communicating honestly and openly in a relationship.
  • Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself.
  • Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem.

As you can see in the above examples, these behaviours are not conducive to someone being in their full power and trusting themselves to show up fully regardless of the fact that they might not get it ‘right’. However, once a couple can start taking far more responsibility for their own power along with their emotions there is the opportunity for more freedom, connection and intimacy to flourish between them. This is when each individual begins to trust themselves more than ever before and trusts that they can show up as themselves in any given moment and not only will all be okay but better still, that when they do this is how magical love or desire filled moments come about.

A woman in her full femininity....

At this point in a relationship this is where a woman is also able to embrace her full femininity with all its softness, sensuality and beauty. She is willing to surrender to not knowing how the next moment will unfold. She is also willing to trust herself in being able to support herself regardless and trust her partner in showing up in his own unique way, even though things will not necessarily look the way she thought they would.

A man in his empowered masculine....

It is also at this point that a man knows that his partner is trusting and asking him to show up us himself and that he does not need to be perfect or to rescue her. He is willing to try new ways of being and leading and to get things ‘wrong’ without the need to defend himself or feel that he is a failure. He is willing to step into his fully empowered masculine and at the same time honour his own feminine energies that are loving and accepting of his and his partner’s ‘humanness’.

A woman who can lean back on her man is a well-nourished, satisfied woman.

A man who can be the providing force for his woman to lean back into is a happy, fulfilled man.

If you would like to explore how you can take your relationship into its next level of growth as an individual or a couple, please get in touch. I offer no-obligation complimentary conversations.

About the Author

Michele Willmott, Relationship Coach and Mentor. I help successful men, women and couples renew and transform their relationship for the long-term.