If you are struggling in your romantic life & you cannot quite work out where it's all going pear-shaped you are looking for love in the wrong place!
Yes, as you have no doubt heard, you need to love yourself first.
But, more importantly, what people need to realise is that Love happens IN the NOW, in the present!
It actually has the capacity to unfold in any given moment right in front of your very eyes...............if only they will let it.
Trying to control things in your relationship out of fear of rejection, judgement or loneliness is to live according to the past or the future as opposed to the present. It is evidence of a lack of trust in oneself as a powerful creator. It is also a sign of emotional and energetic mis-management (which once you know what to do you can start to correct).
I will demonstrate what I mean by love happening in the now:
When you run or I should say 'live' your relationship or marriage from & in the moment.....
You implicitly trust that you have EVERYTHING you need to create magical moments and that YOU have a HUGE capacity to give and receive love.
You also implicitly trust that your partner has EVERYTHING they need to create magical moments between you both.
This does not mean that they will show up in a way that looks exactly how you think you want it to look or might imagine it to be. It does not mean they will be there rose between teeth, sweeping you off your feet every second either, but it does mean that the potential for surprise is HUGE and therefore wonderful!
This also does not mean that everything will be perfect, there is no such thing of course! But gone will be the days of fear and anxiety in your relationship and gone will be the need to control your partner in order to try and make everything perfect. That is just manipulation and deceit.
Instead, what arises is the knowing you don't have to worry about being provided for. A knowing that your partner loves you for who you are and a knowing that even if there is an argument or tension that does not matter either, because EVERYTHING is okay, more than okay.
So it does not matter if things don't look like a textbook romance. It does not matter if things get a little tense sometimes (tension & erotic desire go very well together and therefore keep a relationship nicely spiced up). It even does not matter if you doubt your partner sometimes (because that is what the mind does and you are not your mind).
This may sound all very well, but how do we actually let go and trust the moment to unfold for us so that we do feel & know that we are provided for in love? How do we do that when our past history tells us that love hurts and our partner is not always available to love us when we most need it?
What is required to create an Extraordinary love from ''being in the moment'?
- It all has to start with a huge commitment to having an impeccable relationship with your own mind & your emotions. When you know how to get FAR BEYOND your own state of mind & the stories you attach to your emotions, you will have the ability to let go and trust, in every moment.
In terms of your mind, I am talking here about the ability to cultivate a no-thinking state of mind consistently. In addition, being able to just observe your thoughts when your mind is being busy rather than indulging in the sob story or catastrophe that it often wants you to believe in.
How do you do this? Start with meditation and do it consistently. I recommend Dr Joe Dispenza's work here above all others. The more you practice watching your thoughts and not 'buying-in' to the story the stronger internal boundaries you will have. This work will literally rewire your brain and retrain your body (which is addicted to your emotions).
In terms of your emotions, they are intrinsically linked to your thoughts. Your thoughts feed your emotions and vice versa. The key is to try and stop the thoughts before they trigger the emotions, but this is not always possible as we are all human beings with emotions. If you find yourself triggered emotionally, it is okay to feel those emotions and let yourself 'be' with them, but indulging in them and holding your partner responsible is to be a victim and a bully all in one go.
There are a whole load of other things I can recommend for you to do and have listed them below. These are ALL important but nothing beats mastering your own emotions and mind because this is what changes your energetic frequency and thus your ability to attract what you want into your reality:
- Creating an extraordinary love also requires being honest with yourself and your partner. Basically don't lie!
- Be willing to be vulnerable. Own your mistakes and your emotions if necessary. Say sorry.
- Be willing to make the first move towards your partner even if that feels difficult.
- Keep your heart open as much as possible.
- Learn how to self-soothe - if you feel bad because your partner is not available, give yourself the love you want and don't make it about them (stay in your body here).
- Learn or research topics or new activities that you would like to share with your partner.
- ALWAYS appreciate your partner.
- Do not get het up about having an argument, it's more important that you come back and repair it from a place of full responsibility
I want to repeat this one more time:
The more you can work on your own mind and emotional mastery the more you will be an energetic match for what you want and you will start to see evidence of those things in your relationship.
What will start to happen in your relationship?
The 'issues' you thought were issues will not appear in your reality anymore or even if they do they will not trigger you to the extent they are right now. Some examples: you may observe your partner's annoying habit still but it will not have any effect on you; your partner will be far more responsive rather than them appearing absent all the time; your partner will initiate things, be more passionate, be less argumentative.
You will be happier and more joyful more consistently. You will trust that you can let things all unfold in the moment because you KNOW you CAN & WILL show up in EXACTLY the RIGHT WAY at the right time & so WILL your partner!
This is a state of being & of living.
It is accept and embrace your true power as a creative human being.
Most people are simply not in their true power when it comes to love and relationships. They are perpetually waiting for an idealised romantic situation or their partner to give them permission to experience love in the way they desire.
They are too busy letting their ego control them and falling prey to the stories of their mind and emotions.
Living love in the way I have described above is without a doubt a journey. It is not always for the feint of heart because it means overcoming many of your fears in the process (the parts of you that still want to hold on to the old ways and habits). However, the rewards are boundless with freedom being one of the main ones.
This is really all about self mastery and whether you want to have this relationship with yourself.
I work with all my clients to help them access & show up in their true power and be masters of their own creations. if this sounds like a challenge you are ready for, please get in touch.