Masculine Women in Relationships | Michele Willmott

Masculine Women in Relationships

What does a Masculine Women in a Relationship look like?

To start with when I say masculine, this refers to a woman's energy.

Many women are over masculine in their relationships. They have been conditioned to show up like this without realising.
I have worked with many relationships where this dynamic is in place. I used to be one of these over masculinised women, even though I did not see myself as masculine in the slightest.

A 'masculine' woman often looks very feminine. However, when she communicates with her partner she tries to lead him. She tries to lead him to do better and be better.

This 'leading' can be in relation to her partner's well-being and fitness. It could be in terms of his eating habits or how much he helps around the house. It may also be in regards to supporting her in bringing the children up or booking leisure activities and holidays.

A masculine woman does not set out to be masculine in her ways

She can sense that there is something not quite right in the relationship. Unfortunately she does not know how to bridge the gap and so she ends up coming across as controlling. Sometimes it is obvious in the case of nagging. Other times it is more subtle and covert, such as in the case of dropping hints or suggestions. 

What happens to men when they feel they are being controlled like this?

  • Men often feel irritated.
  • They can become defensive, passive aggressive and angry.
  • They may also shut down and not engage. 'Anything for a peaceful life' is a common motto.

The relationship becomes too masculine. There is not enough feminine energy to balance it out and keep it in a state of attraction. This is why so many couples stop having physical intimacy over time.

Is it just the woman's fault?

It takes two to tango as they say. The truth is the men are letting their partner get away with such behaviour by generally avoiding. The women then become more frustrated and start mistrusting their partner.

The energy between the couple becomes 'unsafe,' even though they may be fully committed to each other.
This will only have the effect of destroying the connection over time.

Why does this unbalanced dynamic happen in many relationships?

  1. We are not taught how to take full responsibility for our innate power to change our relationship dynamic. We are conditioned to have co-dependent relationships. These type of relationships are based on thinking unless our partner changes we are powerless to create the love we want.
  2. We have a fear of rejection. Our behaviours and thinking stem from this fear and this makes us prone to self sabotage. 
  3. If men and women are not in their full power they are easier to control. Couples who are focused on what is not working in their relationship become overly focused on their problems. We must realise that along with our upbringing, society's conditioning is creating this imbalance between men and women. We are supposed to working together not against each other. You only have to listen to the number of women complaining about men and vice versa to see evidence of this. 

What can be done to address the imbalance of energy?

Many things can be done. Here are a few:

  • Women need to express how their partner's behaviour makes them feel on a deeper level. They need to speak about their fears (often they don't realise their behaviour is fear based). They need to do this with full responsibility rather than from blame.
  • Men need to deal with their avoidance issues. It is important for them not to buy into their thoughts that say 'anything for an easy life.'
  • Both men and women need to have a deeper relationship with their own feelings. When this is in place it is far easier for a couple to communicate honestly and transparently. 

At the end of the day:

Energy does not lie when it comes to love.

Women feel the lack of integrity in their men. Men feel the lack of openness in their women. 

The first step in all of this to accept that you are playing a role in your relationship situation whether you like to admit or not.
There will be something that you are doing that is keeping the unhealthy behaviour alive. It is highly likely that you cannot see what that is as you cannot see your own blind spots. 

When you can put on your curious hat on and become open to learning something new, you are giving yourself the opportunity to turn things around for the better. 

If you would like to chat with me about getting support you can book your complimentary call here.

About the Author

Michele Willmott, Relationship Coach and Mentor. I help successful men, women and couples renew and transform their relationship for the long-term.