When you struggling in your relationship it's often hard to feel positive & it's much easier to lose yourself in your perceived problems. This post is not about dismissing your feelings as it is always crucial that they are acknowledged & given space, we are, after all human beings with emotions. However, it is also important that we don't get stuck in a rabbit hole of despair, becoming victims & feeling helpless or feeling resentful & angry over and over again but not taking any action that might help us transform our situation.
For this reason and in my own personal experience it is essential that we create & hold a vision of how we want our romantic lives to be.
What does holding a vision actually mean?
Firstly, we have to take a deep dive and ask ourselves some serious questions:
- What do I desire in my relationship for myself & my partner? How do I want to feel?
- What are my values when it comes to relationships? What is important to me? E.g. honesty, integrity, support, open communication, feeling connected, intimacy, fun, quality time, respect.
- How do I want to relate to myself when I feel that I am struggling in my love life? (Hopefully with love & acceptance in the same way as we would want our partner to treat us).
- If I am expecting my partner to show up in xyz ways, am I prepared to do the same or am I doing this already?
Creating & Living Your New Reality
Once we are clear on what we really want & we are sure we are not holding our partner to unrealistic standards that are just an extension of our own inner perfectionism, then it is important to start to think about how we would feel if our relationship was meeting most of our desires & values.
This is not a case of 'acting as if' everything was working out the way we are wanting it to, but more a case of retraining our body to get used to a new default emotional state of being, which then helps us bring our vision into our reality. Dr Joe Dispenza describes this process as follows:
“When you’re truly focused on an intention for some future outcome, if you can make inner thought more real than the outer environment during the process, the brain won’t know the difference between the two. Then your body, as the unconscious mind, will begin to experience the new future event in the present moment. You’ll signal new genes, in new ways, to prepare for this imagined future event.”
A simple way to access your desired state of being & thus help you attract & create your new reality is to use a technique coined by Neville Goddard, an author & lecturer in Metaphysics back in the 40's & 50's. Goddard encourages individuals to 'live' from their end result, whereby you imagine the specific scenario that would be taking place & that would represent your desire. So, think of the feelings you would have, the exact visual that comes to mind & then practice imagining yourself in this situation everyday. It need only take 10-15 seconds but try to place yourself 'inside' the scenario as if it was actually happening.
Take Back Your Power!
The more you can revisit this 'ideal' scenario, the more you will retrain your body & mind to actually think & behave in the new ways required for you to bring this into your reality. It of course, take practice, but it is a much more enlightening state of being that continually feeling stuck in the lower vibrational energies of victim-hood, anger & frustration.
Basically you are reconditioning yourself & stepping into a more empowered version of you! The person who HAS the ability to transform and change your reality rather than giving over your power to someone or something else outside of you! We ALL have this choice, it is up to has whether we decide we would rather live having done our utmost best & given our romantic life our best shot.
If you would like to have a chat about transforming your relationship struggles sooner rather than later, please do get in touch. I offer 30 minute complimentary calls where we will map out your new desired scenario & help you see exactly where you are keeping yourself stuck.