When your marriage isn’t working anymore | Michele Willmott

When your marriage isn’t working anymore

When what used to work in your marriage is no longer working!

Any long-term relationship can hit a crisis point (or two) throughout its journey.
The initial throes of passion and excitement fall by the wayside once familiarity has set in.

In an effort to try and keep the spark alive, many couples need the drama of an argument.
This isn't an intentional process. Rather it is the result of unhealed parts of us trying to get their needs met.
Unfortunately they don't know how to do this in a healthy way.
Instead, they need to resort to dysfunctional behaviours to get some kind of attention.

The trouble is this just serves to wear down the relationship and each individual over time.
To the point that avoidance sets in and emotional connection goes absent without leave.
It is common for the intimacy to start to die from this point onwards.

What used to work no longer works!

This is why many men and women start thinking 'my marriage isn't working anymore'.

The toxic patterns that used to bring passion and a dopamine hit are no longer a turn on.
This can bring depression and flatness.
It can also bring up much fear around having to separate.

The fear can feel very real because the crutch of the drama cannot be relied upon.

Does this mean the end of the relationship?

In no way does this have to mean the end.
In fact this can mean a new opportunity for you and your partner.

Admittedly some relationships aren't built to last.
However, many relationships fall by the way side that could have been turned around.
Not enough people do the personal work required to get really clear on whether they want to stay or not.

How can the loss of connection in your marriage be an opportunity to reconnect?

  • We all evolve and so our relationship will always be a process of evolution. Expecting things to stay the same is unrealistic and limited. This is just the minds way of trying to stay in control. Unfortunately, the mind does not realise that it is nigh-on impossible to stay in control. We do not know for sure if we are going to wake up tomorrow!
    Growth and improvement require some discomfort. The discomfort can either be used to help you connect with your partner or be used to create more disconnection.
  • The loss of connection in your marriage is an opportunity for you to connect more deeply with yourself. If you are more connected with yourself on an emotional level, it is easier to connect with your partner. We must meet our own needs first. This will help us stop looking to our partner to meet all of those needs for us.

  • This can be an opportunity to get to know your partner in ways that you haven't so far.
    It can also be a chance to renew your connection in ways that haven't been expressed between you both. Taking a closer look can help open your eyes and see your partner from a different light. It can also help you create new experiences and adventures that you might have previously dismissed.

When I start working with a couple, it is clear that many people struggle with the societal stigma attached to getting support. It is a shame that this still exists, (more so in the UK), although things are getting better.

The truth that many people don't see is: when they embark on this work, they are actually putting themselves ahead of the majority.

I am celebrating my clients transformation from the minute they walk in the door (not overtly, but you know what I mean 🙂 )

Most relationships are codependent on some level and are therefore dysfunctional.
They may look okay on the face of it, but believe you me, there are plenty of skeletons in the closet.
None of us are perfect or angels. 

No-one teaches us how to do a 'healthy relationship'.
Choosing to take a closer look and 'undo' some of your conditioned relationship habits is only ever going to serve you.  
If you want to know that you have given your relationship the best chance possible, committing to doing some work is the way forward.

If it is time to take that look you can book a complimentary 30 minute call with me here.

About the Author

Michele Willmott, Relationship Coach and Mentor. I help successful men, women and couples renew and transform their relationship for the long-term.